My sons are as fun-loving and goofy as I am. Mama had one of her stilettos lying around, probably dragged out by Monster Baby, providing a nice visual prop. So, tonight the subject of stiletto heels came up while talking with my 7 year-old son about walking on a new vinyl floor and the damage a stiletto could cause…and how it would cause it. I told him the story of how my college physics professor loved to illustrate the physics of stiletto heels. Ed Kindermann was a jolly old soul; in fact, I would have believed him if he said he was Santa Claus when he wasn’t teaching college physics. He looked like Saint Nick! Kindermann walks with Jesus now, but I swear that man could have taught physics to a chimpanzee–he was a brilliant and gifted instructor.
The story, as Kindermann told it, went like this: My then-wife and I had some raucous young neighbors in an upstairs apartment who thought they were something pretty special in the 1970s. They were hip, had lots of friends, and tended to be show-offs. We got word they were going to have a party after having some renovation done to their new pad, including brand new vinyl being placed in the kitchen. The way the apartment was laid out, the entry opened to the kitchen so guests would have to walk right across the new vinyl to get into the living room. My wife had aged along with me, no longer the size 6 she was when we had met so many years before. I thought the upstairs neighbors were haughty but they really got under my wife’s skin. I don’t know why, but this secretly tickled me. We soon got an invitation to attend the open house party they were going to throw, and my wife spared no expense, including a snazzy new pair of red stilettos.
The night of the big open house party came and my wife and I trudged up the stairs to be awestruck by the beauty that would surely envelope us in the neighbor’s newly renovated place. I knocked on the door and the couple cordially greeted us, my wife and the misses upstairs trying hard to out-nice each other. My missus took six steps into the apartment only to have the neighbors wife suddenly shriek! My wife’s stilettos had punched about a half-dozen little squares with rounded edges right through the vinyl of our haughty neighbors brand new floor! We apologized profusely as we beat a hasty retreat, promising to pay for the damage. I gulped at the impact this faux pas would have on our limited budget. Once we returned home, I took care to stifle my laughter as it was angering my wife who was obviously armed with quite a weapon. I secretly, quietly began to scratch down the physics of what had just occurred, rounding down my wife’s weight to an even 200 lbs. Yep, to this day it still amazes me!
Stilettos can be used as lethal weapons…it is more common than you think. The following two hyperlinks are examples of how deadly stilettos can be in the right hands:
This is more on stilettos, including the sword, knives, and daggers that stiletto heels are named after:
The following video describes is by The Science Babe and describes the physics behind stilettos:
My oldest son’s question to me, with a wry smile on his face was “hey dad–do you think you could hunt white-tailed deer with a stiletto?” I chuckled at the creativity of his question and pondered. “Yes, I think it could be done. It would not be the most humane way or effective way to harvest a deer, but it could be done.” My mind lapsed back to the times in my hunting career when I was close enough to touch deer, wearing the right camouflage. I imagined myself, hunkered in the snow-covered brush while dressed in all white camo, holding an 8″ stiletto with my fingertips curled just inside the toe portion, ready to strike with my deadly fashionable footwear.